"No - no words. No words to describe it. Poetry! They should've sent a poet. So beautiful. So beautiful..." - Ellie Arroway, talking about the amazing spring day we have here in Philadelphia. OPEN STAGE NIGHT AT COMEDY CABARET You know the deal. Show up and pound a few so you can convince yourself that people want to see you try to sing or be funny or do that weird thing where you put......

This week is already insane and it's only Tuesday. If we make it to Friday this time, we're going to reconsider religion. MINISTRY'S C U LATOUR Naming tours might not be their strong suit, but Ministry has been defining industrial rock for almost 30 years. That's a long time and a whole lotta rock. Tonight they will come to Philly for what will presumably be their last visit. These guys made many careers possible—some......

Have you been outside yet? It's raining Mondays! BASEBALL: THE MELTING POT It's as good a day as any to discuss some baseball. The National Constitution Center will host this event, emceed by Jayson Stark and including speakers on topics including the Negro Leagues and Japanese baseball. With the summer creeping up on us, it's not a bad idea to look back at the beginnings of a sport that has displayed many of the......

We are already having a bad Friday. Why? The Flyers didn't win last night, as they probably should have. And today just feels like a long day. We're not feeling positive about it right now. WHAT'S NEW AT THE PHILADELPHIA ZOO We're stretching this right now, but how can you say no to a smile like that?! The zoo is open from 9:30am to 5pm every day. That excludes the possibility of a visit......

We are going to work all day, keeping quietly to ourselves. We can't wait for the Flyers game tonight. You might have read all the reasons why, but most of all, we're just excited that they have rock and rolled this far, and we're willing to stick with them until the end. PHILADELPHIA'S LARGEST SINGLES SPRING FLING AFTER WORK PARTY Okay, so we went a little overboard on the image today. But when we......

So, you got out there and voted. The results have come in and, although you may or may not be happy with the outcome, that's no reason to stay at home and pout. So here are a few things to consider doing after your workplace gab-fest regarding those results has concluded. SILK CITY PRESENTS: PAPAYERA GUAYAVERA CON JUAN(DERFUL) THE ONE We don't know what it means, either. But we know that it's supposed to......

Today is the day. And the image says it all. We know how great Philadelphians are, how proud and patriotic we can be. And we also know how much every true Philadelphian loves to complain. Sports, weather (guilty as charged) and politics, among other things. Well, the fact is that if you don't vote, your complaints are merely worthless and meaningless strings of words, thrown together by someone with no legitimate right to complain.......

Look outside. Depressing, depressing and depressing. The weekend was just what the doctor ordered and then, as if by divine (demonic?) intervention, everything is prepared to ensure that Monday remains just that: Monday. DIE ACTOR DIE Die Actor Die is a monthly comedy show put on by our very own Don Montrey (who recently interviewed friends and fellow funny-folk, Meg and Rob). It's going to be funny, cheap and about as anti-Monday as you......

It's Friday. We're getting in, and getting out. No cheeky puns, cliches or metaphors. Just 100% pure, unadulterated event listings. Deal with it. SUBURBAN LOVE SONGS 1812 Productions brings you yet another hilarious show. Suburban Love Songs, according to the web site, is a "dance comedy extravaganza set in a Tupperware/Swingers Party in 1968." What more could you possibly ask for? (Editor's note: how about an extremely positive review from Phillyist?) WHO: Anyone! WHERE:......

It's so nice out that we decided to find you three things to do indoors. You know, so you wouldn't get too used the warm weather. In case it decides to get down to 40 fu#%ing degrees again. We hate Weather's attitude. It acts as if it owes us nothing. As if it were some force of nature, free to do as it pleases without input or intervention from humanity. Oh wait, we warmed......

Okay, we found some jazz, some history and even a circus! What more could you ask of a humble Wednesday evening? You may notice that we left out the would-be Wednesday night whistle-whetters. We don't want people to get the wrong idea. We don't need to go to a bar to have fun. Tonight's events are some of the most unique we have written up thus far. DAVE BRUBECK AND LIONEL FREDERICK COLE: JAZZ......

Local music, a film screening with the director and an open casting call for a scary new reality show with a devilish prize. Tuesday is no longer the plain-Jane it has been wont to, uh, be, in the past. And the price tag is pretty nice, too. FOOLING APRIL AND WMMR AT DOC WATSON'S PUB We mentioned Fooling April in our Countdown to 2008 because they're an incredible local band. And the bar tends......

It's Monday. And there isn't much to do but work. MOVIE MONDAY AT THE TROC PRESENTS: JUNO We already told you how good we thought this movie was, and now we're telling you that it will be even better at the Troc. The folks over there have Monday night on a veritable lockdown. And you just can't beat the price. WHO: 21+ WHERE: Upstairs @ The Trocadero, 10th and Arch Streets (map) WHEN: Doors......

We're all out of new ways to praise Friday. It's been a long week and we're just glad we survived. THE ORIGINAL 23RD STREET ARMORY ANTIQUES SHOW We sent the ladies over to the Armory last week, but this one is for everyone who likes a quality antique. This event will end at 6 but if you work in the vicinity of 23rd and Market, you should leave work early because you deserve it.......

Some people don't read Phillyist. We don't know why, either. Maybe it's because they don't know what's good for them. Or maybe they're busy mapping the human genome. All 3 billion base pairs of DNA. Yes, we know, billion is a crazy word. It means "hella lots." We've also included a charity event, so put on your best generous face and consider taking a chance on the price of admission, since it's for a......

Tonight we managed to slip in a cheap event that doesn't include alcohol. Yeah, we were proud of us, too. There's a little something for everyone tonight and the weather is warming up. So get out and have fun before the rains come pouring down later in the week. We're not weatherpersons, but we think it's a silly word. "Weatherpersons." 4TH ANNUAL SAKE FEST Today we continue our tradition of bringing you expensive events......

Tonight is a surprisingly robust Tuesday night. We're fairly speechless about the breadth and depth of our trio of events for the evening. Or we are just running out of witticisms to pepper throughout our intros. MINUS THE BEAR AT THE FILLMORE Why? Because they're awesome and you're not. Well, maybe you are (after all, you certainly have excellent taste in blogs), but we bet you haven't played the Fillmore (yeah, we know it's......

We're trying to bring you a better Monday than you're used to, but sometimes it's difficult to have fun on a Monday, even if you find something interesting to do. That's why we propose that Monday be altogether stricken from existence. We know that Tuesday would take its place, but it would be several generations before Tuesday took on the meaning for posterity that Monday holds for us now. Then, they could just bring......

We know, we know: we're late. Well, today is the express version of your favorite evening guidebook, so strap in and please, be forgiving: sometimes we need to step back from the computer for a moment and, you know, work. SALSA LESSON AND DANCE FOR BEGINNERS Go to Brasil's Nightclub (site is borderline NSFW, trust us) tonight and get a lesson in how to dance. Looking like you're desperate not to trip over nothing......

Pick a friggin' season. We know we talk about the weather a lot on Can't Miss This!, but we're all about getting out of the office, apartment or house and doing stuff. Hence, weather is a big deal to us. Hence, we get furious when it starts flip-flopping on us like John Kerry. Pick a stance on the important issues, Weather! Issues like temperature and wind speed, rainfall and cloud cover. These are the......

Two more days, two more days, two more days. As repetitive hopeful phrases go it may not be "There's no place like home...," but it gives us the same sense that life is, in fact, worth living. At least for two more days. SHECKY'S GIRLS NIGHT OUT This one is for the ladies. And the men who wear ladies' clothing sometimes. One Phillyist bore witness as droves of Center City females descended upon the......

Today is April Fool's Day. But we can assure you that none of today's listings are hoaxes. No, indeed, Tuesday is a poor guise for any hoax, considering the fact that we had to dig deep into the cockles of our event sources to juice up some nightly loveliness. WALNUT STREET THEATER PRESENTS: QUARTET Ron Harwood (who won an Oscar for his work on The Pianist and has a rather impressive resume) also penned......

We've been getting the craving for a good solid vacation lately. Haven't you? April Fool's Day descends upon us on the morrow, and we would rather be parasailing. We don't even know how to parasail. But we'd learn, if it meant some time off, sleeping late, swimming, and just generally getting back, even for one moment, that classic elementary school feeling that, for the next few months, we don't have sh%t to do. PHILADELPHIA......

Don't you wish you were headed there, to the paradise pictured below? Well, you're not. Unless you are. Anyway, it's Friday, so you can close your eyes and picture the paradise of two full days away from work and everything it stands for. In the meantime, there are a few interesting goings-on, uh, going on tonight. So Happy Friday! LAST FRIDAY AT THE PHILADELPHIA ART ALLIANCE You heard all about First Friday, but what......

Another totally insane day. Crazy day. A day so busy and hopelessly intense that it can be referred to by one name only: Thursday. CHINUA ACHEBE: THINGS FALL APART When Achebe set out to rewrite the systematic literary misappropriation of his Nigerian culture and cultures like it, he was probably not aware of the power and lifespan of the impact this book would have. Things Fall Apart was first written in 1958 and remains......

It's a little warmer today, which is good, because we're expecting the weather to get its spring on pretty soon. The clouds, though, remind us that Wednesday is not always as close to Friday as we want it to be. We don't know about you, but as far as work is concerned, March 2008 is really turning out to be one of those months we'll never, ever miss. Five more days until those April......

We've got some live music, some burlesque fundraising and more tonight, so for those of you who thought Tuesday was for, um, not seeing live music or fundraising via burlesque shows, well, um, it is. So there. In all seriousness, we think the beginning of the week is often overlooked, despite its tendency to be abnormally bloated with stuff to do. Getting out and about pre-Thursday is a good way to bring a little......

When the homeless guy on the subway is wearing headphones that may or may not be plugged into anything and gesticulating like Madonna during a stadium show, you know it's Monday. WRITING ALOUD AT THE ADRIENNE THEATER This series, which we mentioned during last year's run, is currently in its 9th season. Presented by InterAct Theatre Company, it brings the work of local writers to the attention of local actors and directors. Works once......

Yet another Christian holiday comes to pass on this bright and sunny day. Today is Good Friday. It marks the day Jesus suffered and died for the sins of humanity. But look at that face—He doesn't let it get Him down! It's Good Friday because He knew how much Friday would always mean to us, and asked His publicist to put a good spin on the otherwise gloomy fact that He died today. The......

Holy Thursday, Batman! No, seriously, today is a sacred day for Christians everywhere. For many of us who aren't terribly religious, it's the new Friday! If you don't have off tomorrow, though, that doesn't mean you have to stay in and play the martyr card. Get out just to spite us, lucky havers-of-tomorrow-off. THE MERCHANT OF VENICE Yes, you've seen it before. Maybe you even read it. But at the very least, anybody who......