As a straight American man, I believe that the current ruling by California lawmakers to legalize gay marriage is a mistake that will ruin this great American nation of ours! Yet, as a straight American man, I am not allowed to disagree with what the liberal, New York, Hollywood, cheese-eating, French-speaking, Oprah Book Club Reading, media-istas say is acceptable. Well I say "accept-a-BULL!" What kind of country is this where a citizen cannot express himself......

What's new and/or interesting in Philly theaters this holiday weekend (all of these movies open today). Most Likely to Rule: I'm Not There - An "unconventional" biopic of Bob Dylan wherein six different actors play him at various stages in his career. Said actors include Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, and Heath Ledger. Also in the cast (but not playing Bob) are David Cross, Bruce Greenwood, and Julianne Moore. We could see how this......

The best of the internet, squirted out in flavorful neon globules, just for you. First of all, it's important to mention that today is Talk Like a Pirate Day. In honor of this excellent holiday, check out Shiny Shiny's list of the top 5 pirate goodies (via Sarcasmom). This is a particularly wonderful list, because it is also in honor of Star Foster, who was a giant fan of Talk Like a Pirate Day, and......

We are dumbfounded as to why the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column has been following the saga of the love life of KYW’s Alycia Lane, but it has provided some odd entertainment since the spring. In case you don’t know, the tabloid broke the story of Lane sending e-mails containing bikini photos of herself to NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen which were intercepted by his wife, ABC Sports reporter Suzy Shuster. Yesterday, Page......

...Moves: Scary news, folks: Wacko Jacko might be moving significantly closer to Philly. Do you know where your children are? (Via The Reliable Source.) ...Homewreckers: Sorry... Criss Angel? Sex appeal? Seriously? (Via The Superficial.) ...Pregnancy: Is it bad that we're predicting a C-Section? (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?) ...Cinematic Achievement: This... is not surprising. (Via Gatecrasher.) ...Changes of Heart: Tom Cruise can make his movie in Germany. Apparently. (Via ABC News.) ...Oops: Remember that......

What's new and/or interesting in Philly theaters this weekend. Day Watch - Entry number two in the trilogy of films based on the best-selling Russian sci-fi/fantasy novels. The story is a classic one: the forces of light and good vs. the forces of darkness and evil. The movies are a huge hit in Russia, and are supposedly loaded with awesome special effects and thrilling action. We hear they're pretty confusing, though, so you might want......

All across the Ist-A-Verse (or at least the American parts thereof), writers and editors are in the midst of enjoying their three-day weekend. But after the week we've all had, we feel like the break is not only needed, but deserved. Just look at everything we've been doing! Gothamist headed into the Memorial Day weekend with a number of tasks accomplished. They worried about Long Islanders giving New Yorkers a bad name. They tried......

A Quirky Column about Dog Walking Adventures in the City of Dog-Owning Love Dog Custody Friday night in Fishtown, I met a friend of a friend who joked about losing two dogs in two previously unsuccessful relationships. “And I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “I didn’t cheat on my girlfriends, treat them like shit or anything and they wind up with the dogs.” He’s over it, but hasn’t wanted to get a new dog......

It's the lunch rush, and you're part of it. You're standing around the counter at Wawa or some other sandwich counter with two dozen other people, all waiting for your respective sandwiches. It seems like it's taking forever, and they're not calling the numbers in order, so God only knows how long it will be before you'll be biting into your toasted Italian hoagie. Your stomach is yelling at you and your head feels like......

...Misbehavior: It seems as if there's nothing that Britney Spears won't do. (Via The Superficial.) ...Skank: Ummm... Wow... (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?) ...Good Behavior: We didn't know that that was a thing Paris Hilton was familiar with! (Via Fox News.) ...Splits: It's always nice when a relationship that caused a divorce or two ends. (Via Us Weekly.) ...Cop-Outs: Well of course she's traumatized. And that makes us happy. (Via People.) ...Motherhood: Britney Spears......

...WTF: There are no words... (Via The Superficial. It was in Whiz earlier this week, but it bears repeating. And seriously, if you only click on one link in this week's round-up, make this the one.) ...Whew! We still kinda believe it. (Via People.) ...Sweetness: We can't think of a better place for Paris Hilton. (Via Yahoo!) ...Love-Making: Umm... Halle? That's the sidewalk. (Via Fox News.) ...Truth Is Stranger than Country: We think we......

...Maturity: The kid impresses us. Truly. (Via Monsters and Critics.) ...Divorce: The question is, what gender will the rebound fling be? (Via E! Online.) ...Ummm: Halle Berry is hot. But "Her Fineness"? Seriously? (Via TMZ.) ...Vehicular Manslaughter: Yikes! (Via People.) ...Booze: Nick Nolte loves it, but then, that's not exactly a surprise. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do? And seriously, you want to listen. According to IMDB, he's lying about his age, too.) ...STDs:......

...Spokesfailures: We will never get tired of hearing about what a failure at life K-Fed is. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?) ...Maturity: Paris Hilton has tons of it. (Via Us Weekly.) ...Wacko: One more reason to stay out of Vegas. (Via New York Daily News.) ...Manipulation: This takes "he sees you when you're sleeping" to a much creepier level. (Via Just Jared.) ...Gay: You know how much Phillyist digs lists. Here's a particularly......

This week’s quote comes from the late great Noel Coward. It reads, in full: “Acting is not a state of being ... but a state of appearing to be. You can't be eight times a week without going stark staring mad. You've got to be in control.” Now, on with the listings! Radio Gals - Zany hilarity? Sounds fun! January 4-28. For reservations, call 610.565.4211. Rain - Because who doesn’t love the Beatles? January 4-14.......

Still looking for a holiday gift? Why not consider supporting the local theatre community and buying your loved ones tickets to one of the shows below? Now, on with the listings! Chicago - You know how it is: they both reached for the gun. December 26-31. Tickets through Ticketmaster. The Frog Bride - Oh dear. This one promises to be “ribbiting.” December 22-30. Tickets online. The Great Divorce - It’s based on a C.S. Lewis......

...Stupid: This is why children shouldn't make movies. Movies should only have characters over the age of sixteen in them. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?) ...Awesome: One more reason to love Tina Fey. (Via Us Weekly.) ...Fidelity: Oh, KFed! This probably isn't going to help you in your quest to overturn the prenup! (Via The Superficial.) ...Overreaction: Yeah, we'd divorce him too. (But then, we probably wouldn't have married him in the first......

For some reason we've yet to determine, it's nearly impossible to finish Elite -ist before one a.m. It wasn't a problem when we were undergrads, but it's not a lot of fun now. Austinist: Want to go to an awesome festival in December? Parisist: We still think this looked like fun. Bostonist: Shiny things? Really? We could win that. SFist: We sure hope this video is still online by the time Elite -ist is published!......

...Mysterious Spawn: Britney Spears probably had her baby, but then nobody's really certain. Next thing you know, we'll find out she's named Suri. (Via Yahoo!) ...Ridiculous Government Accusations: Up next: the government of Jamaica is upset with the creators of Girls Gone Wild because they make it seem like it's easy to get high there. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?) ...Skank: Congratulations, Lindsay Lohan. You're well on your way to becoming Paris Hilton. (Via......

...Ignorance: No, Gwyneth, you are American. You're not even really British. (Thanks to reader Katie—story at Blakademic.) ...Blind-siding: We definitely never saw this one coming. Nope. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?) ...Now, That's Just Cold: Paris Hilton needs to get over herself. We don't love Lindsay Lohan around here, but Jesus, she should not be making fun of other women's vaginas. (Via TMZ.) ...Stupid: Kate Moss, week two. (Via The Superficial.) ...Divorce: Kate Moss,......

...Stupid: This footage is old, but it's been making its rounds on the interweb this week, and it's a fine example as to why Britney Spears and Kevin Federline should never have been allowed to reproduce. (Via The Superficial.) ...Skank: We're almost ready to retire this category; it's just too obvious to keep posting Paris Hilton links. (Via Egotastic!) ...Divorce: Usually, if you're going through a divorce, and you change your locks, your soon-to-be......

...Name Game: Fresh off the news that Tom Cruise invented a new Hebrew word comes the news that he's renamed Katie Holmes. She will now be "Kate." Because "Katie" sounds too young for a "child-bearing woman." Shudder. (Via The Superficial.) ...Child-Pimping: Tom Cruise released photos of himself with adopted son (with ex-wife Nicole Kidman) Conor via the AP and Reuters. Tom Cruise really wants this movie to do well, and he's willing to put his......

Phillyist notes a fistfight between local pols that leaves one man down for the count. Jehovah's Witnesses get a Philly contributor out of bed, things get a little geeky with a film festival and geeky gets taken to a whole new galaxy when they talk with the Dragon Queen of the Dark Kingdom. Shanghaiist gets all excited this week over a new nightclub in the city unfortunately named "Snatch" and Mike Tyson is scheduled to......

...Causes: Sharon Stone was in Israel on a trip funded by the Peres Center for Peace, which strives to improve Arab-Israeli relations. While there, she talked about the fact that she'd be naked in the upcoming Basic Instinct 2, offered to kiss anyone she had to in order to get peace in the Middle East, and delivered (in earnest) a "some of my best friends are..." line. Oh yeah, she also prayed at the Wailing......

...Divorce: David Hasselhoff's estranged wife, Pamela Bach, filed for a restraining order against the former Baywatch star, following allegations of domestic violence. The presiding judge did not issue the order, but strongly reccommended the two stay apart. We have no real opinion on this matter, since the only thing we think of when we hear Hasselhoff's name is this video. (Via The Associated Press.) ...Illegal Activity Kept Quiet With Hush Money: Tara Reid is on......