The shapeless dough of the internet, formed into tasty pellets and baked to perfection, just for you. Jess at Apropos of Something did a comparison between John McCain and his running mate, and a couple of folks on a certain sci-fi show, and found some distressing similarities... Esquire picked the 20 best steaks in America, and Philly's own Pat's cheesesteak made the list! On the one hand we're rather proud, but on the other... Pat's?......

When someone offers you the chance to watch a television show and spit out your opinions on it, they probably hope that you enjoy what they're throwing at you. Well, suffice it to say that Parking Wars: Best of Season 1 falls into the category of "fun to watch because it ain't me!" True Phillyists all over the city know the Philadelphia Parking Authority means business. The PPA raked in over $70 million last year.......

If you're anything like this Phillyist, you abhor the Olive Gardens and Applebees of the world, and opt for the local "mom and pop" shops with their homemade foods and servers that know you by name. The shore is the best place to get that "mom and pop" vibe. Because, with the short four-month season and location, location, location, it's not easy for chains to justify setting up shop down the shore. Check out this......

Looking back on a week's worth of local craigslist hijinks. We're not sure what's more alarming: the pet rock running away or the five bottles of whiskey. Actually, we suspect the events listed may be out of sequence. This isn't usually what they have in mind when they say friends with benefits. But hey, if this works, we're looking for a friend with a beach house. Time to grab the scissors and clip coupons, kiddies.......

Mayor Nutter is scheduled to tour the recently restored baseball field at Hancock Playground in Kensington today, where he'll announce initiatives for recreation-center safety, summer jobs for youth, and new rules for the city's summer camp programs. The Inquirer has some more details on how the FBI got involved in the case of Larry Mendte allegedly reading Alycia Lane's email. This week the the Sheriff's Office Bench Warrant Unit in Delaware County is holding......

At the risk of being labeled an asshole, we must pass on to you the news that Jocelyn Kirsch stole that credit card from a co-worker at Starbucks and used it to buy a candle and bed linens at Target. That's just sad. In other Bonnie and Clyde news, Edward K. Anderton has a 3PM hearing today at the federal courthouse in Center City, where he is expected to plead guilty to identity theft.......

The Daily News points out that while the Philadelphia School District is looking for ways to balance its budget, the organization might want to consider cutting the abnormally high salaries of its legal counsel. "Jury selection is expected to begin today in the 19-year-old murder of a North Philadelphia black man in what has been labeled a 'racial killing.'" "The Esherick House, a rare private residence designed by revered 20th-century architect Louis Kahn and tucked......

Yes, it's true, today is the pivotal Pennsylvania primary. A record voter turn-out is expected—which probably means there will also be a record number of problems. Clinton and Obama made their final push for votes yesterday. Obama didn't promise to win, but he did promise to keep things close. Meanwhile, the Clinton camp was talking comebacks. For more Philly.com election coverage, go here, or follow their live-blog of the election. Of course, a far......

Have a nominee for Asshole of the Week? Send it to us! We love the First Amendment. We love that, in this country, people are free to express whatever their views are, regardless of how idiotic, offensive, or flat-out wrong those views are. That's why, in one sense, we thought it was a little ridiculous when, in June 2006, the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission received a complaint against Geno's Steaks owner Joe Vento for the......

The police got the guy who beat up and robbed that 81-year-old lady, who subsequently gave him a good smack on the head with a chair leg and sent him running from her home. A memorandum sent to the School Reform Commission from the state's school-safety watchdog informed the group that it was flunking when it comes to properly disciplining the majority of violent students and thoroughly reporting serious crimes. Mayor Nutter had proposed......

The best of the internet, squirted out in flavorful neon globules, just for you. Well, another April Fools' Day has come and gone, but there's plenty of leftover material to talk about today. The Movie Blog celebrated with the "cast list" for Transformers 2, and a list of the 15 funniest movie scenes they could remember. George R.R. Martin pulled a pretty amusing gag for his fans on his Not a Blog. Geekadelphia and Download......

Biodegradable beer cups were the news of the day over at The Illadelph, which lauded Aramark's move toward more environmentally-friendly containers for the liver- and waistline-destroying treats served at Citizens Bank Park. Also, did you know that on opening day Phillies fans will eat, among other things, 15,000 hot dogs, 6,000 soft pretzels and 5,000 cheesesteaks? With bikini season just around the corner, we shudder to think of the implications. Attytood discussed the Tonya Harding......

Here's what went down in the 215 blogs this week, with some unintentional emphasis on cheesesteaks. Dan Gross at the Daily News Philly Gossip blog spilled the latest pseudo-celebrity gossip: cheesesteak mogul Tony Luke Jr. has landed a starring role as a boxer in upcoming film The Nail, set to start shooting in South Philly May 20. We can't wait to have our streets blocked off for camera crews and craft services. In other cheesesteak......

A steaming hot pile of our favorite things from around the internets. Dueling Philly cheesesteaks as political metaphor. Thank you, Comedy Central. (Via Debbie) Dude: new trailer for Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. It will rock your face off. Cross your fingers, folks! A new Entertainment Weekly article suggests a Peter Jackson-directed movie of The Hobbit is closer to becoming a reality. We think the Scream movies made up a great trilogy, and that they should......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Fat March (Mon, 9PM-10PM, ABC) - Here's a lovely show where they make fat people walk long distances, and force them to complete challenges of various sorts. This episode brings them to our area, as they leave Millstone, NJ bound for Philadelphia, to be reached via Lancaster County. Their "Amish challenge" will see them harvesting cabbages under a hot sun, and in another challenge they will have......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (Mon, 10PM-10:30PM, Food Network) - This week, amongst other restaurants, this show visits the Bay Way Diner in Linden, NJ and tries their Philly cheesesteaks. Saving Grace (Mon, 10PM-11PM, TNT) - TNT has a new cop drama, and this one stars Holly Hunter as a hard-living Oklahoma City detective who, in this first episode alone, gets involved in a deadly drunken-driving accident, becomes......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Road Tasted (Tue, 9:30PM-10PM, Food Network) - Guess where Road Tasted is going this week? That's right, our very own Philadelphia! They'll be sampling cheesesteaks at Campo's Deli (uh, what about Pat's or Geno's??) and sweets at Franklin Fountain, amongst other things. Lil' Bush (Wed, 10:30PM-11PM, Comedy Central) - This is the debut episode of a new animated series following the adventures of a prepubescent version of......

Abra Moore...

News Anchor Kerri-Lee Halkett...

...And I’m thinking the emergency room isn’t it. This past Friday evening, I got the pleasure of hanging out in the emergency room at Pennsylvania Hospital for four hours. This joyous experience was made possible by my good fortune of waking up with lower back pain so awful that any movement I made reduced me to tears and a fear of vomiting. (Sciatica’s a bitch. I’m so glad to have developed a grandmother’s back at......

Milton Street's court-appointed lawyer in his corruption trial (not his NJ traffic ticket trial; try to keep up!) couldn't come to an agreement with her client on how to handle his case, so she's withdrawing from the case. Street can't afford to hire his own lawyer (what's he been spending his money on? Not paying traffic tickets, that's for sure), so he's being appointed a new one, although the judge pointed out he probably......

Congrats to Ryan of West Philly for winning our contest with his haiku on the theme "Sailing the Sea of Cheesesteaks." Cheesy steak, my love I drown in tall waves of whiz. Get rid of trans fats!? He'll get to see Nicole Atkins at Johnny Brenda's tonight. Ticket info is below. If you can't make the show, check out her latest video for her highly-acclaimed single "Neptune City" here. Nicole Atkins & The Sea, w/......

Like writing haikus? Like cheesesteaks? Want to see Nicole Atkins live at Johnny Brenda’s? Combine your loves and enter our ticket giveaway. All you need to do is compose a haiku on the theme “Sailing the Sea of Cheese (Steaks).” Full contest details here.......

This past weekend, a woman stole a tiny Yorkshire terrier - named Garcia after Jeff Garcia - from a Montgomery County pet store. She was caught by surveillance cameras, and when the footage got out on the internet and TV she freaked out and had a lawyer return the dog for her. Garcia is in good condition, and no charges have been filed. Meanwhile, another animal made a lucky escape on Wednesday when a......

Texas is thawing, the Northeast is freezing, and a sort of natural order seems almost restored to the Ist-A-Verse. Almost. Londonist HQ—that is to say, the city of London—was battered by heavy winds, making it a bad time to be a twelve-meter (nearly forty-foot) tall snowman. Still, not everyone decided to keep warmly covered. Meanwhile, back indoors, the Big Brother racism is now causing all kinds of headaches for international diplomats, and Londonist got into......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Monday Night Football: Packers at Eagles (Mon; 8:30PM-11:30PM; ESPN or ABC [WPVI]) - The Eagles get a Monday night game. Here's hoping they keep up the good work and don't crack under the pressure. If you're not near a TV at the time, but you are near the internet, you might be interested to know that the game will be live-blogged at this address (thanks, Seth).......

New York is trying to cut down on trans fats by restricting local eateries to a mere 0.5 gram of trans fat per serving. Granted, this is Philadelphia, not New York (no one even mention the whole borough thing), but since we followed their lead with the smoking ban - admittedly to limited um, success(?) so far - Phillyist is keeping a close eye on what they're banning in the future. That way we can......

Has Philadelphia dropped the cheesesteaks and picked up the barbells? That's what the latest issue of Men's Fitness claims, reporting that Philly is now America's "23rd fittest" city. Sounds mediocre, but that's quite a climb from 1999, when we were ranked the most obese city in America. That's a lot of uneaten scrapple!! And who's to credit for our Charlie Brown-esque rise to 23rd place? None other than Mayor John Street, of course. Besides......

- A Virginia Beach woman wanted in connection to a local missing persons case showed up at a South Philadelphia police station with the corpse of the missing person inside her minivan, and turned herself in. - More shooting news: a local man was shot in the face, while a woman was shot in the hip, both on Durham Street. You have no idea how frustrated Phillyist is that shooting news has become so......