I'm meeting my boyfriend's parents on Friday.

It wasn't supposed to happen this soon. I mean, we've only been a couple for a month.

But he's graduating from law school, and his family knows I exist. So there's the expectation that I'll be there, in the role of doting new girlfriend. (I don't really dote, but that's beside the point.)

Since receiving, and then accepting, my invitation to post-graduation dinner, I've been collecting unsolicited advice on meeting the parents. And I thought I'd pass that, along with some of my own, on to you:

• Dress Conservatively. Or, as my mother so aptly put it: "Don't dress sexy." No matter how great your body is, this is not the time to show it off, so ladies, cover your decolletage. And gentlemen, this should go without saying, but, um, shirts with sleeves, please. This is a good opportunity to pull out your clothes for Sunday brunch at Grandma's, not Saturday night in Old City.
• Avoid Conflict. Remember those guidelines for interacting with polite company? They apply doubly when it comes to meeting the family. That statement you made about the need to pull out of Iraq might not go over well with your significant other's FOXNews-lovin' family. Talking religion when you're not the same religion as your s.o. could send his or her mother into panicked thoughts of "Oh my god, what will that make my grandchildren?"—even if babies are the last thing on your mind. Mentioning money, unless you work in finance, is uncouth. And sex? Yeah... Talk about bad ideas.
• Order Off the Right Side of the Menu. Just because your s.o.'s family is taking you to a nice dinner doesn't mean that they're accustomed to having them. You might not want to order the $50 prime rib at dinner if everyone else is ordering the $25 salmon. As a rule, I try to be one of the last people at the table to order: I don't order a first course if the others at the table don't, and I try to have a few entrees of different prices in mind, and I order the entree closest in price to what the others in the party are ordering. When the waiter or waitress comes by the table to see if we want dessert, I defer to the others, saying something along the lines of: "Oh, I don't know, what do you think?" If the others want dessert, I'll order it—but I won't risk being the only person to do so. It may sound silly to be so concerned with this, but you don't want to come across as the spendthrift boy- or girlfriend.
• Talk, But Not Too Much. You don't want to be a wallflower, but if you dominate the conversation, you might leave a bad taste in the mouths of the very people you're trying to impress. A good way to avoid talking too much is to ask a lot of questions. Find out ahead of time from your s.o. what the family is into—golf, sailing, travel, wine—and at least feign an interest in those things over dinner. Who knows? Your false interest might actually become a real one.
• Relax. This is something I have to keep reminding myself, too. Chances are, your s.o.'s parents haven't decided ahead of time to hate you. In fact, if they care about their child's happiness, they probably want to like you. So don't be paranoid or spend the days (or weeks!) leading up to meeting them convincing yourself that they won't. Just relax, be yourself, and remember: there's a reason that your s.o. likes you, and hopefully, your s.o.'s parents will see that reason, too.

UPDATE: Digg this!

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